Living Alone

by Old Best Friend

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1.
when the cold came with the fall i watched the death of leaves and all i thought that i’d never last the winter but as the ice is melting down i stand with both feet on the ground then the memories bring me to my knees it came as no surprise the illness came with appetite hungry for my legs and then my body and as my knees were growing weak they heard me singing in my sleep a melody to take me through the night i guess it only was a matter of time now i’m staring at the ceiling i thank the lord that i’m still breathing, thinking, “when did i get so desperate?” so i slept in that hotel full of patients like myself waiting for a visitor or a ride to take me home though i find the more time that i wait it seems the more pills i have to take but they do wonders to alleviate the pain as the tree begets the seed there was an illness born in me my father fell before me, he swore i would fall, too as i lie to rest my head i feel it creeping back again it knows i would never sleep alone and what it wasn’t wasn’t really what i thought it was
2.
02:35
i’m pretty sure you’re just my type [most of the time] i lost you once, i found you twice [i don’t mind the other guys] and if you let me go, i won’t put up a fight i’m pretty sure that i’ll be alright i’d wait around and stay up all night [so come on by] my friends say you’re poison, that you’ll bleed me dry [i disregard my friends’ advice] you could just walk away, shrug, turn off the light you’re pretty, sure, so you’ll be alright you’ll feel the weight release, the string it comes untied watch the smile spread slowly across your face as you open your eyes and you realize you are free
3.
04:41
soften your eyes as you pass by on the street your eagle’s glare will burn a hole through every gaze you meet look up from those pages that you read the fantasy is comforting, but it’s not the life you’re living but if you were bored of reading then you wouldn’t live alone loosen your jaw, i know you clench it when you think you spend the day so wound up without even realizing then say something if only to exist you don’t speak unless you’re spoken to, your silence is your death but if you had wanted company you wouldn’t live alone rise, young blood rise, you shouldn’t be gone so long if anybody would ever ask, you’d answer softly “i’m fine” open your eyes, i know you close them you sing if the light’s too bright, we’ll turn it down but you have to ask for it then forget the audience, there’s only me you mean nothing to no one until they’ve watched you fall asleep but if you had craved attention, then you wouldn’t live alone rise, young blood rise, you shouldn’t be gone so long if anybody would ever ask, you’d answer softly “i’m fine” [turn down the heat to keep down the cost break all the lights so you can live in the dark couldn’t be any worse than before you shouldn’t be gone so long] you have run too far to quit these last few feet i’m more content to take a while, don’t wait for me
4.
i call myself the king of nowhere least of all the mind i dwell but if i could choose one dominion i’d shack up in some shit motel i’d gather all my loyal subjects of half spun chords and loose ideas and mold them into a perfect people a magnum opus of mass appeal do you see what’s killing me may actually keep me alive? i am just the faint reminder of a love so simple to forget so when you strike up conversation i tell you that i’m not there yet i hold that the word forgiveness means i could never live without so i would rather hold my grudges than spend a life consumed by doubt do you see what’s killing me may actually keep me alive? what’s done is done a setting sun has no obligation to rise i can’t spot a violet in a bed of roses for that i blame my eyes see an open door another one is closing between them is wasted time i was raised to bury boxes within which all my troubles lay i held on to one labeled anger i view its contents every day i am but a lamprey dining on blood so sweet it rots my spine years spent serving false devotion mean as much as cheap goodbyes
5.
03:35
i was a conductive wire you were so electric i had no say when you came so near and just passed right through me i was a magnetic pole a force unlike you’d ever known you could travel the goddamn globe end up coming right back to me as you start to pass me by i say “i miss you” that has to be the worst of all the stupid things i said disconnected at my own will as bad an idea as it may be and although you may have let me go realize you never set me free because every day i wake up i can’t remember who i am [a sham] i laced up and i ran turned and screamed “i’ll be back just as soon as i can!” if you start to wonder why i’m not with you you just have to start by counting all the stupid things i said and all the space between us and all the times i’d wake and say “god, i have to find a way out.” when you told me it was fine that i kissed you i couldn’t find a fault with that because in the grand scheme of my life you’re not an issue still i couldn’t stop recalling all those stupid things i said, all things i never did, all the shits i didn’t give
6.
04:27
ashamedly i wasted life on shamelessly staying thin i said my prayers before i closed my eyes as i thought prayers did well to preserve skin this is my ruin under the light of an artificial moon with eyes so bright they were a mirror to the night when i started looking for you the spotlight shines and shows me where to stand as i earned my living from applause and as the light has died fear stands by my side and we wait for the last unconscious pause i cannot talk as i assume my residence in dark but with eyes so bright they were a fire to the night that i woke and finally found you but then i cut you loose i write from beneath you i’ll die to remember you i’ll die to come back to you
7.
i picked you out among a flock of sheep an field of unkempt minds left unattended you were meant for me i pulled you out, away from everything i blurred the line between all that you want and what you ought to be i am the one who tore down all of your white picket fences i am the one who called your name out in a crowd where every voice and face were all the same to me i am the thought you can’t erase i dress you up and make you play the part i give you just enough to keep you hungry you were meant for me i pick you up and put you down again i make you stop and turn as you are trying to leave
8.
05:49
i approach the wall my hands sweep across its surface searching for fault lines solid it may be when i find the seam i’ll slip through to the other side feel my skill dissolve i don’t see you approach but i know i am not alone keep me in my place too scared to run, lest i end up here on my own i spoke your name “trepidation” lover, i was wrong a power persists you’re firmly rooted in my spine with my final breath i rest, assured, that you’ll be laughing by my side i could see the fire in the back of your eyes i knew that you needed me i knew that you needed a ride i didn’t know what you were looking for meet a man in the parking lot you keep the bidding high until he understands you haven’t got means to keep everything you’re looking for i’d have never even started the car if i’d have known we’d be going this far oh, brother, is this really what you’re looking for? i turn away as you look to the ground muzzle flash and an awful sound the taste of powder and the salt of my eyes my blood, my life for the first time i’m alone you have gone and i must follow i approach the wall
9.
04:19
i was watching you pour another drink i thought maybe that you’d admit to it i thought it would make you talk you don’t say much when you come home at night I start to think about all the things that you might hide and what you could really do in my dream I was on the witness stand pressed for truth i was raising my right hand my left, it just points to you you’re on trial, the jury must assume your innocence but they’re asking me for proof of all the things you could do at night it comes to me the pieces click and it wakes me while i sleep your eyes were closed, my eyes are open and i think “why couldn’t i just leave it alone?” I turn it over and over and now i see a speck in you though i don’t want to it’s in the way that you move around the house like your body’s possessed by something else your feet, they don’t make a sound since it happened you don’t eat enough you avert your eyes and you’re shying from my touch is it all the guilt that’s making you lose yourself? at night you come to me you whisper words confessing while i sleep you couldn’t see my eyes were open when you said “why couldn’t you just leave it alone?” you say it over and over and now i see the rest of you the ice has cracked and i don’t know what i would really do without you at night you come to me... at night you come to me you cut my throat and bleed me in my sleep your eyes are wet, my eyes are open while you scream “why couldn’t you just leave it alone?” you said it over and over and now i know the reset of you my vision fades to black in darkness dies the the truth
10.
i’m trying hard to close my eyes tonight i’m trying not to hear you whisper anything to keep you wanting what you don’t is never coming home dark as your life as it divides your sleep soft as your hand as it reaches for what’s light as air but sinking like a stone in air you’re sinking like a stone touching your face i’m back to where i was are you afraid? you’re left with a specter silently watching you sleep dark as your heart as it carelessly submits dark as your head as it admits it wasn’t worth it i’m happier than i was ain’t that a shame? i’ve been replaced you’re done and where is he? he’s gone away you’re left with his specter silently watching you sleep
11.
04:58
i ran to the second floor closer frantic, in search of my coat by the time i’d returned to the living room you had removed all your clothes such an act so out of character wearing a smile, timidly losing all sense of all space or time i’d forgotten where i had to be i awoke late and ran for the bus stop took a cab, then took a train pushed my way through the streets of manhattan through the crowds of a new year’s parade you were cold and seeming unfeeling you shied from my hand on your knee where we two part in a parking garage you left with a kiss on my cheek i was speaking or maybe just staring at nothing after my one call those i reached claimed that i seemed to be one with glob or likely no one at all i still recall when my head hit the dashboard my first time embraced by the dark now i sit til my eyes can’t stay open my head hits the pillow i’m gone i returned to the second floor closet the weather demanded no coat stood alone in the living room thinking about someone that i used to know in that place where the light shines infrequently i could once sit, now i don’t i thought this room was our room but you left me in search of your own

credits

released June 30, 2015

all music written by old best friend

co-produced and performed by mike comite and steve sopchak

guitar, bass, and voice performed by mike comite
drums and percussion performed by steve sopchak
piano on “living alone” performed by steve sopchak
guitar solo and organ on “divide your sleep” performed by steve sopchak

engineered, mixed and mastered by steve sopchak at the square studio in syracuse, ny (www.thesquarestudioonline.com)

artwork by will lambros (williamarthur.tumblr.com)

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Old Best Friend Brooklyn, New York

Mike Comite is your Old Best Friend.

He lives in Brooklyn.

His second full-length album is out and it's called Almost. It sounds like almost.

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